Life is just plain hard sometimes. Especially when I don't spend enough time with God. I have much to be thankful for but I still only see that which is breaking my heart at the moment. No, my sons aren't taking drugs or living wild lives, my health is relatively good and no one I know is dying in the near future. I have a good husband and a home and food in my cupboards but my heart is aching. It aches to be loved. It aches for all the love I have poured in to my children for 20 plus years to be returned, somewhat. It aches to be wanted by those I care about. It aches for significance and respect and to be valued.
I know, I know, I have all that in Christ and it should be enough but some days I need the tangible kind. The days I forget I have the resurrecting power of Christ dwelling in my soul. When I take my eyes off God and spend a little less time seeking Him out. Times when I just want to chuck it all and become a hermit. I forget how powerful and deadly sin is and coast along until I feel the pull of the vortex dragging at my soul and heart and mind.
Forgive me Father for getting lazy. I know you have what is best in mind for me and all things happen for a reason. After all it is not about me....but You. Fill me with Your unchanging, everlasting, boundless love so I can face each day recalling the resurrecting power you have promised dwells in me.
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