Once when I was a young girl of about 7 years old, my brothers and sisters and I were left in an empty field surrounded by trees while my mother and step-father went to look at some houses to rent. Their reasoning was, most landlords didn't want to rent a house to people with 7 children in tow. Understandable.
This memory always has a strong taste of abandonment to it though. Even as a child it hovered at the edges. I certainly wasn't alone, 2 of my older brothers and 2 of my older sisters were there, although one was not much older than myself. There was a sense of trust that they would know how to handle things and take care of me, somewhat. At the same time there was the fear they might not want to or would forget about me. After all there were my 2 baby brothers still in cribs to care for!
At first it was fun and exciting! We could run all over with no one to tell us to behave. The girls took turns keeping an eye on the babies. As the wait wore on we got a little hungry and my older brothers climbed some crab apple trees, picked some apples and shared them with all of us. This later proved to be a mistake!
What had once been a beautiful, sunny day became overcast and a rainstorm blew in. Still no parents. We had moved the baby cribs under a grove of trees for shade and as the rain started covered them with quilts. The rest of us huddled under the ensuing canopy made by this and tried to stay dry.
The abandonment meter spiked!! Where were our parents? What was taking so long? Had they decided to leave us? Had it finally gotten to be too much raising so many children?
There are times in my life where I feel like this with my heavenly Father. Times I feel he has abandoned me in an empty field to fend for myself and storm clouds are forming. There are others around me but the level of trust is not the same. We are all self-focused sinners and when push came to shove would anyone care enough or know enough to help me or notice me?
No one knows me like my Father. My Dad can take anyone's dad and holds me by His Righteous Right Hand! (Isaiah 41: 10 - 13) We can't trust our feelings, feelings can lie. I need to trust my Father, my Abba and His promises like; Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 121, Hebrews 13:5 and Romans 8:31-39, to name a few, where He says He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.
So even though I may feel abandoned, I am not and He is still with me. The Holy Spirit lives within me, Christ is constantly praying for me and God the Father has me in His grip!
Monday, July 6, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
LONGING
Longing to be
sitting at Your knee
Longing to have
no guilt in me
Longing for love
in a loveless land
Longing for You
and the grace of Your hand
Longing, oh longing
to be free from sin
Longing to go
and be home again
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Father, God
Father, God.
How often have I said that and prayed to God using those words without truly considering them?
Father.....God
Having grown up with 2 step-fathers and not knowing who my real father was until I turned 18, I used to watch my friends with their Dads and wonder what it was like to have that kind of relationship. What was it like to be someone's little princess, cherished, protected and loved.
The God of all creation, the great "I AM" (Exodus 3:14), the Almighty Powerful Lord of all things, time and space! He who causes all things to work for those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and keeps everything together and flowing. He, I dare to call Father.
Yet, that is what He tells me in the bible. He is my Father because He chose me to be, by the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ and my belief and acceptance of Him as Lord of my life. How amazing is that? I am a princess, because I am the daughter of THE King! How can it be? I can only shake my head in wonder and incomprehension. It is beyond my understanding.
But that is okay. I am just grateful, SO grateful, to finally know the unconditional love of a father and what a Father! Perfect, faithful, compassionate, strong, ever-present, protective and kind.
Father, God, You alone are Holy and True! I desire to be in your presence and see Your glory and know You and Your love.
How often have I said that and prayed to God using those words without truly considering them?
Father.....God
Having grown up with 2 step-fathers and not knowing who my real father was until I turned 18, I used to watch my friends with their Dads and wonder what it was like to have that kind of relationship. What was it like to be someone's little princess, cherished, protected and loved.
The God of all creation, the great "I AM" (Exodus 3:14), the Almighty Powerful Lord of all things, time and space! He who causes all things to work for those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and keeps everything together and flowing. He, I dare to call Father.
Yet, that is what He tells me in the bible. He is my Father because He chose me to be, by the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ and my belief and acceptance of Him as Lord of my life. How amazing is that? I am a princess, because I am the daughter of THE King! How can it be? I can only shake my head in wonder and incomprehension. It is beyond my understanding.
But that is okay. I am just grateful, SO grateful, to finally know the unconditional love of a father and what a Father! Perfect, faithful, compassionate, strong, ever-present, protective and kind.
Father, God, You alone are Holy and True! I desire to be in your presence and see Your glory and know You and Your love.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Who Listens to the Listener?
Who listens to the listener?
She sits quietly and listens to the woes and heartaches of those around her. She has grown up surrounded by talkers, all fighting to be heard, so she learned to listen and observe.
But who listens to the listener?
She listens as others talk about their successes and their challenges, their days and their nights. At times she likes to join in but is often not heard.
So who listens to the listener?
She listens, smiles and nods, cries and consoles and shares what little knowledge she has gained, when asked.
Yet, who listens to the listener?
....when she gets overwhelmed and filled up with her own heartaches, fears, failures and loneliness.
....when she longs to share her successes, dreams, challenges and joys.
When the listener becomes overburdened, what does she do? She turns and crawls to her quiet place, her place of refuge where she knows He waits.
The Great Listener!
She crawls into His lap and He wraps her in the fleecy softness of His love. She snuggles in and pours out her heart. She weeps in relief and joy there is Someone who truly cares and loves her just as she is.
The Great Listener listens to her and gently whispers truth to her heart. He is the One who listens to the listener.
She sits quietly and listens to the woes and heartaches of those around her. She has grown up surrounded by talkers, all fighting to be heard, so she learned to listen and observe.
But who listens to the listener?
She listens as others talk about their successes and their challenges, their days and their nights. At times she likes to join in but is often not heard.
So who listens to the listener?
She listens, smiles and nods, cries and consoles and shares what little knowledge she has gained, when asked.
Yet, who listens to the listener?
....when she gets overwhelmed and filled up with her own heartaches, fears, failures and loneliness.
....when she longs to share her successes, dreams, challenges and joys.
When the listener becomes overburdened, what does she do? She turns and crawls to her quiet place, her place of refuge where she knows He waits.
The Great Listener!
She crawls into His lap and He wraps her in the fleecy softness of His love. She snuggles in and pours out her heart. She weeps in relief and joy there is Someone who truly cares and loves her just as she is.
The Great Listener listens to her and gently whispers truth to her heart. He is the One who listens to the listener.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Vulnerability
How vulnerable are we in our daily lives? In today's society of private homes, security systems,call display, texting, firewalls and passwords, how vulnerable do we really allow ourselves to be?
Today in my quiet time with God, He gave me a new perspective on how vulnerable Christ must have felt and been on the cross. I laid on my study floor with arms spread wide and the feeling made me shudder! Christ made himself totally vulnerable and exposed for me....my Creator, the Creator of the universe!! Inconceivable. What kind of love is that? Beyond my ability or comprehension, that's what.
However, I believe that is the type of vulnerablity God is calling me to. I like feeling secure and independent and free. God wants me to be secure, dependent and free in Him and then be vulnerable to others out of love for Him. That means letting others in behind the mask, into my home and into my free time. Exposing myself to the possibility of being hurt, taken advantage of and inconvenienced. That doesn't mean I let people walk all over me or tolerate toxic relationships or expose myself to unrestrained scutiny. God gave me a brain and expects me to utilize it! That being said, I believe God wants me to be vulnerable with wisdom and intelligence, loving as much as I can and whoever He brings into my path.
Lord give me eyes to see those you have called me to love and be vulnerable with and courage to do it because You did it for me.
Today in my quiet time with God, He gave me a new perspective on how vulnerable Christ must have felt and been on the cross. I laid on my study floor with arms spread wide and the feeling made me shudder! Christ made himself totally vulnerable and exposed for me....my Creator, the Creator of the universe!! Inconceivable. What kind of love is that? Beyond my ability or comprehension, that's what.
However, I believe that is the type of vulnerablity God is calling me to. I like feeling secure and independent and free. God wants me to be secure, dependent and free in Him and then be vulnerable to others out of love for Him. That means letting others in behind the mask, into my home and into my free time. Exposing myself to the possibility of being hurt, taken advantage of and inconvenienced. That doesn't mean I let people walk all over me or tolerate toxic relationships or expose myself to unrestrained scutiny. God gave me a brain and expects me to utilize it! That being said, I believe God wants me to be vulnerable with wisdom and intelligence, loving as much as I can and whoever He brings into my path.
Lord give me eyes to see those you have called me to love and be vulnerable with and courage to do it because You did it for me.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Prayer
A few days ago I started reading a small book by R.A. Torrey called 'How to Pray'. I am always surprised by these small books by "old dead guys", as our friend Neil would say, and the insights I gather from them. What a powerful little book!
I often take prayer much too lightly, breeze through it too quickly or struggle with spending the time on it. This book has given me a whole new way to look at prayer and the importance of it!
He starts in right at the beginning with eleven reasons to pray. I am only half way through the list at the moment but will speak to two in each blog as I go through the book. Ephesians 6:18 is the verse he states expresses the importance and need for prayer:
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
The author calls us to " constant, persistent, sleepless, overcoming prayer" and repeats those words frequently throughout the book in the hope " that these words.....might burn into our hearts."
The first reason he states for the need of "constant, persisitent, sleepless, overcoming prayer" is that there is a devil.
Secondly is that "prayer is God's appointed way for obtaining things" and the reason we flounder in all we do or have weak results is we don't spend enough time in prayer!
I know I tend to forget who and what I am fighting against in my life. My eyes can't see the spiritual realm around me and so I fail to recognize where the battle truly is. My need for prayer is there as soon as I open my eyes, from the moment my brain kicks into gear and my feet touch the floor because there is a devil lurking nearby looking to tear me apart and destroy my witness for Christ. I DO NOT want that to happen and so I need to pray first thing in the morning and all day long. Now that doesn't mean I sit in my study and do nothing but read God's Word and pray. It means I need to have a quiet time of prayer with God, to start my day and then to frequently be offering prayers to Him throughout my day as He brings things or people to my mind or as I encounter troubles, fear, challenges, LIFE!
I have a tendency to be a whiner and complainer. Lame, I know! I want to be a Princess and just have life go my way. My sinful self.
The part of me that loves my Saviour Jesus Christ longs to live a life that honours and glorifies Him and the only way I can truly and best do that is through "constant, persistent, sleepless and overcoming prayer".
Father, thank you for R. A. Torrey and his willingness to write this book and that it has come into my hands. Thank you that you did not leave us here alone on earth to flounder but have left us your holy Word that instructs and shows us your will. Draw me each morning to prayer and time spent in Your Presence. You make it all worthwhile!!
I often take prayer much too lightly, breeze through it too quickly or struggle with spending the time on it. This book has given me a whole new way to look at prayer and the importance of it!
He starts in right at the beginning with eleven reasons to pray. I am only half way through the list at the moment but will speak to two in each blog as I go through the book. Ephesians 6:18 is the verse he states expresses the importance and need for prayer:
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
The author calls us to " constant, persistent, sleepless, overcoming prayer" and repeats those words frequently throughout the book in the hope " that these words.....might burn into our hearts."
The first reason he states for the need of "constant, persisitent, sleepless, overcoming prayer" is that there is a devil.
Secondly is that "prayer is God's appointed way for obtaining things" and the reason we flounder in all we do or have weak results is we don't spend enough time in prayer!
I know I tend to forget who and what I am fighting against in my life. My eyes can't see the spiritual realm around me and so I fail to recognize where the battle truly is. My need for prayer is there as soon as I open my eyes, from the moment my brain kicks into gear and my feet touch the floor because there is a devil lurking nearby looking to tear me apart and destroy my witness for Christ. I DO NOT want that to happen and so I need to pray first thing in the morning and all day long. Now that doesn't mean I sit in my study and do nothing but read God's Word and pray. It means I need to have a quiet time of prayer with God, to start my day and then to frequently be offering prayers to Him throughout my day as He brings things or people to my mind or as I encounter troubles, fear, challenges, LIFE!
I have a tendency to be a whiner and complainer. Lame, I know! I want to be a Princess and just have life go my way. My sinful self.
The part of me that loves my Saviour Jesus Christ longs to live a life that honours and glorifies Him and the only way I can truly and best do that is through "constant, persistent, sleepless and overcoming prayer".
Father, thank you for R. A. Torrey and his willingness to write this book and that it has come into my hands. Thank you that you did not leave us here alone on earth to flounder but have left us your holy Word that instructs and shows us your will. Draw me each morning to prayer and time spent in Your Presence. You make it all worthwhile!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Turn
This mornings text was Acts 9:1-22. The apostle Paul's conversion. Man, I would have liked to been there and seen that!! I had always imagined Paul and his associates riding horses to Damascus but it doesn't say that. Actually from the text it appears they were walking, which I suppose shouldn't surprise me, they all walked alot back then. I wonder what ever happened to the others who were with him? They heard the Lord's voice as well. Did they become followers of Christ also or did they choose not to believe and continue on in blindness? True blindness.
Paul had been spiritually blind then was physically blinded and from that Christ gave him true sight. In my devotions today it was talking about turning points in life. Often we look on some of these turning points as terrible disasters, crises and unwanted change. Yet God is at work through these times to turn us in a new and better direction. One in which we can better glorify Him and also have life more abundantly. He satisfies the true desires of our heart, even the ones we don't really even know until he shows us. Oh, what a God we serve and have the privilege to call Friend!!
"God does all these things to a man - twice, even three times - to turn back his soul from the pit,." that the light of life may shine on him." Job 33:29-30 NIV
Paul had been spiritually blind then was physically blinded and from that Christ gave him true sight. In my devotions today it was talking about turning points in life. Often we look on some of these turning points as terrible disasters, crises and unwanted change. Yet God is at work through these times to turn us in a new and better direction. One in which we can better glorify Him and also have life more abundantly. He satisfies the true desires of our heart, even the ones we don't really even know until he shows us. Oh, what a God we serve and have the privilege to call Friend!!
"God does all these things to a man - twice, even three times - to turn back his soul from the pit,." that the light of life may shine on him." Job 33:29-30 NIV
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