Once when I was a young girl of about 7 years old, my brothers and sisters and I were left in an empty field surrounded by trees while my mother and step-father went to look at some houses to rent. Their reasoning was, most landlords didn't want to rent a house to people with 7 children in tow. Understandable.
This memory always has a strong taste of abandonment to it though. Even as a child it hovered at the edges. I certainly wasn't alone, 2 of my older brothers and 2 of my older sisters were there, although one was not much older than myself. There was a sense of trust that they would know how to handle things and take care of me, somewhat. At the same time there was the fear they might not want to or would forget about me. After all there were my 2 baby brothers still in cribs to care for!
At first it was fun and exciting! We could run all over with no one to tell us to behave. The girls took turns keeping an eye on the babies. As the wait wore on we got a little hungry and my older brothers climbed some crab apple trees, picked some apples and shared them with all of us. This later proved to be a mistake!
What had once been a beautiful, sunny day became overcast and a rainstorm blew in. Still no parents. We had moved the baby cribs under a grove of trees for shade and as the rain started covered them with quilts. The rest of us huddled under the ensuing canopy made by this and tried to stay dry.
The abandonment meter spiked!! Where were our parents? What was taking so long? Had they decided to leave us? Had it finally gotten to be too much raising so many children?
There are times in my life where I feel like this with my heavenly Father. Times I feel he has abandoned me in an empty field to fend for myself and storm clouds are forming. There are others around me but the level of trust is not the same. We are all self-focused sinners and when push came to shove would anyone care enough or know enough to help me or notice me?
No one knows me like my Father. My Dad can take anyone's dad and holds me by His Righteous Right Hand! (Isaiah 41: 10 - 13) We can't trust our feelings, feelings can lie. I need to trust my Father, my Abba and His promises like; Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 121, Hebrews 13:5 and Romans 8:31-39, to name a few, where He says He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.
So even though I may feel abandoned, I am not and He is still with me. The Holy Spirit lives within me, Christ is constantly praying for me and God the Father has me in His grip!
