Abandonment

     Once when I was a young girl of about 7 years old, my brothers and sisters and I were left in an empty field surrounded by trees while my mother and step-father went to look at some houses to rent.  Their reasoning was, most landlords didn't want to rent a house to people with 7 children in tow.  Understandable.
     This memory always has a strong taste of abandonment to it though.  Even as a child it hovered at the edges.  I certainly wasn't alone, 2 of my older brothers and 2 of my older sisters were there, although one was not much older than myself.  There was a sense of trust that they would know how to handle things and take care of me, somewhat.  At the same time there was the fear they might not want to or would forget about me.  After all there were my 2 baby brothers still in cribs to care for! 
     At first it was fun and exciting!  We could run all over with no one to tell us to behave.  The girls took turns keeping an eye on the babies.  As the wait wore on we got a little hungry and my older brothers climbed some crab apple trees, picked some apples and shared them with all of us.  This later proved to be a mistake! 
     What had once been a beautiful, sunny day became overcast and a rainstorm blew in.  Still no parents.  We had moved the baby cribs under a grove of trees for shade  and as the rain started covered them with quilts.  The rest of us huddled under the ensuing canopy made by this and tried to stay dry. 
     The abandonment meter spiked!!  Where were our parents? What was taking so long?  Had they decided to leave us?  Had it finally gotten to be too much raising so many children? 

     There are times in my life where I feel like this with my heavenly Father.  Times I feel he has abandoned me in an empty field to fend for myself and storm clouds are forming.  There are others around me but the level of trust is not the same.  We are all self-focused sinners and when push came to shove would anyone care enough or know enough to help me or notice me? 
     No one knows me like my Father.  My Dad can take anyone's dad and holds me by His Righteous Right Hand! (Isaiah 41: 10 - 13)  We can't trust our feelings, feelings can lie.  I need to trust my Father, my Abba and His promises like; Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 121, Hebrews 13:5 and Romans 8:31-39, to name a few, where He says He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.
     So even though I may feel abandoned, I am not and He is still with me.  The Holy Spirit lives within me, Christ is constantly praying for me and God the Father has me in His grip!

LONGING

 

 

 

Longing to be

sitting at Your knee

 

Longing to have

no guilt in me

 

Longing for love

in a loveless land

 

Longing for You

and the grace of Your hand

 

Longing, oh longing

to be free from sin

 

Longing to go

 and be home again

 

 

 

 

 



Father, God

Father, God.

How often have I said that and prayed to God using those words without truly considering them?

Father.....God

Having grown up with 2 step-fathers and not knowing who my real father was until I turned 18, I used to watch my friends with their Dads and wonder what it was like to have that kind of relationship.  What was it like to be someone's little princess, cherished, protected and loved. 

The God of all creation, the great "I AM" (Exodus 3:14), the Almighty Powerful Lord of all things, time and space!  He who causes all things to work for those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and keeps everything together and flowing.  He, I dare to call Father.

Yet, that is what He tells me in the bible.  He is my Father because He chose me to be, by the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ and my belief and acceptance of Him as Lord of my life.  How amazing is that?  I am a princess, because I am the daughter of THE King!  How can it be?  I can only shake my head in wonder and incomprehension.  It is beyond my understanding.

But that is okay.  I am just grateful, SO grateful, to finally know the unconditional love of a father and what a Father!  Perfect, faithful, compassionate, strong, ever-present, protective and kind.

Father, God, You alone are Holy and True!  I desire to be in your presence and see Your glory and know You and Your love.

Who Listens to the Listener?

     Who listens to the listener?

 She sits quietly and listens to the woes and heartaches of those around her.  She has grown up surrounded by talkers, all fighting to be heard, so she learned to listen and observe.

     But who listens to the listener? 

She listens as others talk about their successes and their challenges, their days and their nights.  At times she likes to join in but is often not heard.

     So who listens to the listener?

 She listens, smiles and nods, cries and consoles and shares what little knowledge she has gained, when asked.

     Yet, who listens to the listener? 

....when she gets overwhelmed and filled up with her own heartaches, fears, failures and loneliness.

....when she longs to share her successes, dreams, challenges and joys. 

When the listener becomes overburdened, what does she do?  She turns and crawls to her quiet place, her place of refuge where she knows He waits. 

     The Great Listener!

     She crawls into His lap and He wraps her in the fleecy softness of His love.  She snuggles in and pours out her heart.  She weeps in relief and joy there is Someone who truly cares and loves her just as she is.

     The Great Listener listens to her and gently whispers truth to her heart.  He is the One who listens to the listener.